Surrendering the Self-Abuse

Looking back at my life 10 years ago...

I was consumed by suffering I simply did not know how to handle.
I self-medicated.
I consumed harmful foods. 
I abused my body with cigarettes, prescription medication and alcohol.
I stayed in toxic relationships because I did not know how to truly love myself.
I was reckless with myself and others.

I struggled for many years trying to figure out my path.
And one day...
I asked for help.
I did not know who I was asking but I just asked out loud.
I knew I was ready for something better.

And just with that intention...
I was brought to terms with my self-abusive behaviors.
Action steps became visible and offered themselves as a way out
as long as I surrendered to this path of self-love. 

One by one I began to leave situations that weren't loving.
I let go of toxic relationships.
I said no to verbal abuse.
I turned down the casual cigarettes and the late nights.
I chose beautiful foods. 
I began to alchemize self-abuse into self-love.

This alchemical transformation started over eight years ago
and each day I find more to let go of and surrender.
Lately its been the negative self-talk.
The voice that tells me I deserve to stay in suffering, worry and fear.

I’ve begun to call my inner voice on her bullshit because I love myself too much for the abuse
that is actually coming from myself. 
It's time to surrender all that is self-abusive and no longer has a place in my life. 

"What we say to ourselves in the privacy of our own mind matters. It drives our behavior, which drives our DESTINY." --Marie Forleo

And with that...
I surrender the obsessive worry that takes an endless toll on my mind, body and soul
I surrender rushing from one anxious thought to the next
I surrender the words that tell me I am nothing
I surrender the words that tell me I’m not good enough to do what I love
I surrender turning to harmful foods for comfort
I surrender it all to make space for inner peace

There are many days when I will hear the voice the inner voice that directs me towards self-abuse. I make it a point to hear her but I no longer act. I comfort her, calm her, nourish her and love her.

So, is it time for you to surrender the self-abuse?



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May 8, 2018

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